Umbrella etiquette

I think I witnessed at least 3 near-blinding incidents on Wednesday. Standing outside the subway, I watched as time and again somebody would open their ubrella in the crowded stairwell and it would pop open into somebody else's face. So here are a few words to the wise.

Umbrellas are constructed in such a way that they have pointy protrusions in every direction. Conveniently, they are carried so said protrusions are at eye-level. Now, you may forget these facts when you are trying to avoid getting soaking wet; an honest effort would be appreciated.

If you can, try to open your umbrella in an uncrowded area, or wait for a clearing. From what I can see there are two main opening techniques:

The Overhead - this method is performed by reaching far above your head and then directing the opening action directly upward. This works extremely well for taller people, but do not attempt if you are short or in a stairway.

The Forward'n'Up - the open is initiated in the direction you are currently facing. Then you swing the umbrella above your head or to its disired position. There is more to say about this technique. It helps avoid eye injury to people standing around you. If the handle is held to the side of or close to the body, its attack range is significantly reduced. Take care to swing the opened umbrella slowly, it will help to reduce inkuries of those standing directly behind you.

Finally, while super convenient, the push-button umbrellas are usually the most likely to cause an injury. Consider muffling your open by slowing down the spring loaded action.

Oh, final word on rainy weather, keep away from street puddles! There's little chance your umbrella will help you out when a cab goes buzzing by and you are in the splash zone.

Another word on clothes

With the changing of the seasons, there is also a change in style. Goodbye heavy coats & knits, hello bright colors khakis. I do not hold any objections against khakis, and even own a few pairs. They are, however, not practical for etummocing, let alone living in New York city.

Just in case nobody has told you this: NYC is not clean. Set aside the litter, there is still probably a good few millimeters of filth coating the the streets and sidewalks of this city. While most people only get to exercise their cutesy animal voices on dogs and squirrels, New Yorkers sometimes speak to rats in the same way.

Over the course of 2 shuttles and a train it is very easy to get some signifigant markings on your pants. Clip the cuff of one pant leg with the opposite shoe - black streaks. Brush into the side or bottom of an unclean railing - a similar, yet bigger effect. Sit in a seat that appeared to be clean or forget to look altogether - jackpot! You can now audition for the role of "homeless person #3" in an upcomming episode of Law and Order.

Thus, the need for a darker NY wordrobe.

Retummocs feel an extra amount of pressure, as the khakis run wild in suburban offices. Although, recently I've been seeing people working at other companies at my building wearing jeans and even shorts to work. Jeans I am truly jealous of, but shorts? What job could you hold in this biotech campus that would allow you to wear shorts?

Tunnel vision

When getting around the city is so dependant on timetables and transfers, its easy to lose sight of what's going on around you. You focus on what may seem essential. "Did the shuttle make it past 34th street by 7:41?" "Is this train going slower than usual?" Or "Grand Central Navigation plan: pass the old lady, at hallway intersection find pocket between closet case business man and poorly dressed intern with backpack going perpendicular to me - watch out! Slow moving tourist with a stroller." So as your thought process becomes that of a Cylon Hybrid, you may forget to appreciate your surroundings.

I have been taking a course near grand central over the past few weeks, and been graced with the opportunity to eat in the food court. I haven't found anything outstanding, but once you get past the questionably sanitary conditions, it slows you down and you begin to observe again. Mostly I could overhear people discussing their itineraries for the rest of the day. Others are meeting up for a quick bite or reconnecting after spending the day apart. And then there is me, realizing how jaded I have become. The people who I usually curse for being in my way most likely came halfway around the world to come and take pictures of the ceiling like one would want at Sisteen Chapel. I am here every day, and could stand to give them their moment.

Optimistic that I have redescovered my sense of appreciation and sympathy I am now also conflicted. Do I smile politley as weave between people? Or would that be depriving them a true New York experience? I've worked hard and suffered to achieve my NY lifestyle and mentality. I should use that, right?

Either way I have been reminded that Grand Central is not just a venue for the stampede of commuters and etummocs, its a tourist hotspot, a movie set, a place of business and intersection for many walks of life. Those additional perspective make it more bareable for the time, so maybe I should stop to eat some oysters every now and again,